Anxiety: Change the State, Not Yourself

When anxiety spikes, most people try to out-think it. But anxious brains aren’t great problem-solvers; they’re great at scanning for threat, or manufacturing a perceived threat. The work isn’t to out-think or tell yourself to “just calm down.” But you actually need to work to change your mental and physical state so that your nervous system can relax.

As a therapist, I help clients create a personal coping list: a short, written list of tiny, easy-to-do-anywhere healthy actions that will reliably take you from spiraled to steadier.

It’s Not Willpower; It’s a Nervous System

Under stress, your body does what it’s designed to do: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Thoughts race, and motivation drops. That’s not failure of character - it’s physiology. When we name the pattern and externalize it (“My alarm system is going off / My ground feels shaky / Storm clouds are rolling in”), the shame will lessen and your options will grow. Naming it is the first down-shift.

Safety Before Strategies

Of course, tools only work if you can actually use them in the moment. We build safety by lowering the bar for those options. Coping strategies on your list should be things you can do anywhere (home, sidewalk, office bathroom).- and at any time, They should be actions that take 1–5 minutes,

Be sure to keep your coping strategies list in multiple places where you’re likely to see it, even when overwhelmed. That could be in your notes app, your phone lock screen, the front of the fridge, bathroom mirror, or the inside cover of a notebook.

You don’t want to have to try to remember what’s on your list at a time that remembering is the hardest.

IDEAS for your list

Here are some possible suggestions for your coping strategies list. Be sure to personalize yours to what resonates most for you.

Play a song you love and dance in your kitchen.
Walk around the block and swing your arms.
Try box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) for four rounds.
Do a quick grounding in the present exercise: name out loud things you can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste.
Wash your face with cool water and really notice the sensation.
Step outside and find the sky—name the colors.
Solve one crossword clue
Draw a single page of doodling
Read a brief prayer or poem.
Water a plant
Pet your dog or cat
Make a hot drink and hold the mug with both hands for a minute.
Send a low-stakes text: “Thinking of you—no reply needed.”
Play a meditation journey or listen to the sounds of rain, waves, or classical music.
Light a candle with a scent you love.
Hold something cool from the freezer for 60–90 seconds.
Tell yourself “I’m safe.. This feeling will pass.

No Pressure!

Your list should sound like you. Remember to have it handy and to stage your environment so the first step is easy: sneakers by the door, tea bags by the kettle, a saved playlist, a note in your phone that simply says, “Wash your face and play Cat Stevens.”

The list doesn’t have to be long. Start with 3-4 things you can think of easily. Maybe do an item on the list even when you’re feeling fine as well as when overwhelmed. Mark a ⭐️ next to items that helped and keep adding more.

Anxiety doesn’t have to run the day. With a simple, visible coping menu and a few rehearsed moves, you can shift your state, lower the noise, and choose your next right step.

If this resonates, I offer supportive therapy to help you map your patterns, build your strategies list, and practice the small changes that change everything.