I'm like, four. I'm like, I like you.

But I really really like you!!!

Alas, Reid, it was not to be. Apparently emotional maturity is more important to Jillian than physical connection. And usually I might agree. But in these circumstances I argue - emotional maturity is something that can develop and grow with time, especially when the feelings and commitment are there. BUT chemistry is either there or it isn't, and it's pretty hard to develop or strengthen if it isn't there from the start. Case in point: Ed. So, in other words, Jilly dear, I think you made a big mistake. You let Ed's tall, dark and handsome-ness blind you to the fact that Reid was an oh-so-moldable and wonderful work in progress who was not only crazy about you, but who you were pretty crazy about yourself! There was a real chance at a future there! You said yourself that he made you feel differently than any of the other guys! And I stand by what I said last week that he is the realest of any of these guys -- far and away more real than Kiptyn, who always sounds to me like he has a staff of writers in his back pocket. And more real than Ed, who is completely kidding himself if he thinks he can really leave his workaholic self behind and suddenly someone who can balance a relationship and work -- he is not going to willingly give that up.

No, my dear, I'm afraid that you let the best chance you had at love go. And granted, it wasn't even that great a chance. Even Reid was an unlikely sure thing. He was skittish and indecisive and pretty much emotionally retarded, BUT he was genuinely honestly about it. And he was totally kooky for you, and the only one there who I think was really thinking past the rose ceremony and the international adventures and imagining how he might build a life with you. So he felt rushed and freaked out? Of course he did? Why do people always forget that this whole thing is absurd!! Every season, people are expected to act like it's perfectly sane to be thinking about marrying someone after 5 minutes and the ones who show that they're nervous about it are labeled commitment-phobes, when really they are reacting sanely to an insane situation.

Oh well - maybe Jillian will pull a Jason and realize in the end that all the guys left are wrong for her and she'll decide -- in the most dramatic episode in Bachelorette history -- that Reid was actually the one for her. Yeah, probably not.

Mr. Fabulous, Jill's likely choice, and soon-to-be heartbreaker.

So as for this week's episode, I don't have much to say except that I trust Kiptyn less and less and I am pretty damn sure he's going to "win." I think he's a guy just having a blast traveling the world, riding the motorcycles and zip-lines, going with the flow of all this adventure and sexyness, but when things get very real and not so glamorous, he's outta there, I have no doubt. Don't get me wrong, I think he's genuinely a very lovely guy and definitely cares about Jillian lots and all that, and I'm sure that he'll dump her in a very sweet, sensitive and loving way. He may even cry.

I have to go take care of some work stuff, but I'll be back in time for the final rose ceremony.

And then there's Ed....oh Ed. This guy is becoming clearer to me now. Can he be more of a boring investment banker dude? I mean, I myself was sort of blinded by his looks when you get past that, you realize he's just kind of this suit-dude who's been working 70-hour weeks for 5 years and partying with a bunch of other dudes in suits. He probably doesn't have the first clue about what it takes to sustain a real relationship. He just seems psyched to be scoring with a hot chick! Wait - I'm sorry - NOT scoring. Now, this was some seriously crazy shit. Like SUPER serious red flag. Jillian, how could you not realize that this was SO not to be ignored?? Because, folks, I'm sorry, but I don't care how tired and sunburned you are, but if you can't get down and dirty in the freakin' FANTASY SUITE in MAUI??? With someone you've supposedly been dying to get down and dirty with for weeks???? Then there is just no way that shit is EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Because you don't get better than that. Jillian: Run, don't walk! Get the hell out of there! May sound harsh, but there is no way those two will ever work! What was she thinking letting that go?

I think the fact that he said I love you to her was what did her in. That's like crack to single woman in her 30s. I hate to say it, but it's true. Women can still get really goofy when they hear that, totally not realizing that some guys can say "I love you" like they say "please pass the potatoes." I'm not saying that Ed's not sincere, but I thought it seemed a little desperate. I think he pulled out the big guns, knowing that he couldn't pull out the big gun in the bedroom. He knew that's all he had left in his arsenal to win her over!! And she should know better than to let his saying that wipe out all of her other concerns. Sure, she pulled him aside before the rose ceremony because she was supposedly so worried about what happened, but he didn't say anything that addressed the issue at all! He gave her some kind of general explanation that was kind of just like -- "Whatever you're worried about, just don't be." And she felt better after that?? Oh Jillian, and your poor decision making skills....

On that note, I dedicate this column to our dearly departed Michael and Reid, two very great guys who got away. May they find the love they deserve, preferably outside of the reality television world! Hmm....but that might mean I might not know about it. I change my mind - may one of them be the next Bachelor!!