I still can't believe he chose the girl with the muffin joke.

OK, fans, our crazy, absurd, ridiculous wonderful season of The Bachelor has come to an end. I for one, found the final special kind of sad. Not just because the show is over, but I always thought that these shows aired a longer time after all the events happened. But it seemed like it was all very fresh for them. Bevin still had a cast on her leg and tears in her eyes. Jeez - she got dumped, AND broke her ankle. Man, that sucks. And Amber still seemed kind of deluded as to how much of a connection she and Andy actually had. Danielle was true to form, being soft-spoken and understanding. Only Stephanie South Carolina (can the girl get a real name now?) seemed to have changed since the show. She acknowledged that she probably shouldn't have gossiped about all the other girls to Andy the way she did. She even said that she could see after watching that Andy had more connection with other girls. Wow! Did she actually gain a little maturity out of the process? (now if we can just get her to stop dressing like a prostitute...)


Not even crazy bug-eyed girl got a final word.

It was a real disappointment that they didn't bring back all the girls at the special this time. It's like they're trying to be a respectable show now or something! Come on! Not even the girls who lasted a little while, like Tina or Nicole? And didn't we all want to see the Barbie girls come back so they could say something really ridiculous? At the old "Women-tell-All" specials, they always showed all those wonderful unseen clips of the girls getting trashed and bad-mouthing each other. Oh well. I guess I respect ABC for trying to go legit this time around - sort of. I suppose Andy deserved it. We do have ourselves a pretty good man here. Or I should say, Tessa does. Those two do seem utterly delirious together. I give it six months. I believe in the magic of Hawaii. But will Tessa actually get to Hawaii? Did anyone else sense some hesitation on her part when she was saying she was moving? Or maybe it was that typical Tessa understated-ness we've come to know and love. It is just hard to get that girl to move quickly. She even had Andy echoing her favorite expression about taking "baby steps." I'm just not sure that's how he really works. And I don't know that Tessa is ready to uproot her whole life and run off to Navy paradise...

Finally, one last word about Bevin. I have so much respect for that girl and I don't think we've seen the last of her. The fact that she never felt the need to ask him why, because she understood that her focus should be on getting over him? I just think that is awesome.

Thanks SO much to everyone who visited the blog! Stay tuned soon for my thoughts on another reality fave, to be announced soon!!

I'm in freaking love!

Well, let me be the first to say that I have been totally wrong for weeks. I really didn't think all the rumors had any credibility and it just seemed so clear to me that Bevin was the one. But shame on me - I underestimated something SO obvious, which is that men love a challenge. The whole time that Andy was happy, confident, and relaxed while he was smooching on Bevin, he was doing cartwheels to get Tessa to stay and to be the one. Hindsight is, of course, a wonderful thing. But now I can see how much he struggled with Tessa's reluctance to express herself, and how it just kept engaging him that much further. So that when the payoff finally came and she relinquished her heart after so many weeks of holding back, what man could resist? I'm not saying he doesn't truly love her, but it's hard to judge anything that happens in a process that is as forced as this. And don't get me wrong - if you've been reading my blogs, you know that Tessa has been far and away my favorite from the beginning -- just not my favorite to win. I fell in for the fact that Andy and Bevin had the easy chemistry that they did, and gave that more credit than man's need to pursue and conquer. Did Bevin make a mistake by being so forthcoming? Of course not! In the real world, she wouldn't have been competing with another girl! (I mean, let's hope not.)


Stoic and strong when most of us would be blubbering like babies...

While I feel terrible for Bevin, can we just say for a moment how freaking (to use Andy's favorite word) strong that girl was?? She seriously did not say ONE word once she knew she was going. She held her head up, blinked the tears back, and didn't give him one iota of sobbing or begging satisfaction. He even was driven to ask her, "Is there anything you want to say?" Why do guys love to feel like the bad guy? Haven't we all been dumped by that guy who says, "I know you probably hate me now." Somehow it just gives them even more power to feel like they had that much of an impact on someone. Well, NO, you jerk, I don't have anything to say - you just dumped my ass after telling me you loved me!! I just give her so much credit for how amazing she was last night because the inclination to ask him for explanation had to be SO strong. I have so much respect for how she kept it together. She is a strong, beautiful woman who deserves to come back as the next Bachelorette, don't we think?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's talk a little bit more about last night's episode. By the way, this was the first time that I watched the show in "real time" (I'm a DVR queen) and what is the deal with the commercials every five freaking minutes?? It was excruciating!!


What passes for nightlife in Lancaster.

Anyway, Andy took each girl home to Amish country last night, where the girls met his parents, sister, and his impressively lucid grandparents. Looking back on it, Bevin probably lost the final rose the moment Andy's mom looked at Tessa and literally gasped at her beauty. Right then, Andy started picturing his mom babysitting for those gorgeous grandchildren and it was all over. But, Tessa's sincerity was just so clear. She was nervous, she was hesitant, she was soft-spoken and they just loved her anyway. Like I've said from the beginning, her reaction to this whole experience just seems so much more normal than anyone else's. It's totally insane to be meeting your boyfriend's family when you've only been dating a few weeks. And it's utterly NUTS that you're meeting them knowing they are going to meet another girl he's also dating shortly after you leave! It truly is a testament to Tessa's feelings for Andy that she stayed in this process when she seemed to be the only one aware that the whole thing is crazy.


Even after all that kissing, she got the kiss-off.

Bevin, in her way, may just be more adaptable or mature. Because she took to this whole thing with a great attitude - to compete and win and never look back. And here's this fascinating, unusual girl with her unique background and past, seeming utterly at home sitting in Andy's parents' Amish-country living room, complete with generic paintings of clowns and grazing cows. As if she'd known them forever...well, she had Grandma convinced, for one. I think Grandma is the one we should worry about now, because I think she fell for Bevin hard.

But Grandpa knew Tessa was the one. He leapt to her defense and pointed out that not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves. He was clearly pulling for Tessa, but maybe it was because, as he creepily pointed out to his grandson, "she would've appealed to me." Yuck. Actually, maybe it was grosser when he told the whole family that Bevin clearly turned on Andy. Shouldn't those grandparents be asleep by now?

So then we get to the final dates and unbelievably, Andy told both girls he loved them!! I don't think in Bachelor history, a guy has ever admitted to feelings like that before the final rose. And for him to do it with BOTH girls?? I was shocked. He even told us that when Bevin said she loved him, it was the best moment of the entire journey for him. It seemed to me -- and maybe it's all just editing manipulation -- that he was truly unsure about what he was going to do. I think he truly loved both girls, but was more IN love with Tessa. How cruel. And how strange that he could let himself feel so much for both of them. At least in the past, the guys never give any acknowledgment of their feelings till they are finally proposing and finally, they can say how they feel. But Andy was using the L-word all over the place! To quote him, he said "I'm in freaking love" to Bevin. He also said, "I love you too, Bev. I really do." Then he told her, "I think I'm in love." A mere few hours later, he told Tessa, "I freaking love you!!" What's with that? Not just the over-use of "freakin" but dropping L-bombs all over the place, when he knows he's going to be dumping one of them the next day?


But, don't you think THIS is the one?

And let's just say one quick word about that ridiculous "ring selection" process. Now I know I'm in the minority here as a girl fairly indifferent to diamond rings, but do we really need to see him go to the store to pick one out? Especially with this pretense that he even has a choice? Would you like any of these 12 rings in these tiny identical black boxes -OR, would you like this perfectly magical ring that I will dramatically reveal to you by opening this giant wooden box? Well, of course he picked that one! He had to, didn't he? I didn't care about any of them, but even I said, Ooooh - pick that one! Besides, that's the one ABC paid for, buddy. This whole idea of picking a ring with the input of producers is gross. And even grosser is buying a ring when you're not sure exactly who you're going to propose to!! Nuf said.


True love, reality style.

So, was Andy truly undecided or did he know all along? If Tessa hadn't been able to express her love for him, would he have picked Bevin? Was it that close for him? I don't know what's worse! If he knew all along he wanted Tessa or if he was that close to being in love with both of them. I mean, he told Bevin that Tessa had touched his heart deeper. When he proposed to Tessa, he told her, "you've got my heart." What happened to the part of his heart that was touched by Bevin? I don't know, but I think the happy couple have their work cut out for them. One of the reasons I was saying all along that Bevin seemed more right for Andy was because she was so ready for anything when it came to this process. She was 100% in it, and I believe that if it had gone the other way, there's no doubt in my mind that a wedding would actually happen. In this case, I'm not convinced. I don't know if Tessa is really ready for all of that. Never mind just suddenly being engaged and thinking about babies, but doing all of that in the media spotlight? I'm not so sure she wants that. Like all of the Bachelor engagements we've seen in the past, this one may have a shelf-life of about six months too. I truly hope not, because they are both great people and I know for Andy especially, it would be hard to have the process be a failure after he committed to it so fully. But time will tell -- will there be little half Andy/half Tessa babies running around? It would be a first for the Bachelor.

Don't forget to tune in tonight to this season's version of the Women-Tell-All special. This time around, we get to talk to the engaged couple AND see all the rejected ladies humiliate themselves demanding explanations from Andy. Will Amber cry? Will crazy-Stephanie embarrass herself? Will Bevin speak to Andy? I think yes, on all three counts, and I, for one, wouldn't miss it.

I feel like a king with my queen.

I’d like to start this week’s column by saying one simple thing – my god, those abs!! Not since Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise have I seen anything like them. Nuf said. Where was I? I mean, in my defense, Andy is not at all my type but I just get dizzy when I see defined stomach muscles all sweaty and rippling....where was I again?

Okay, so this week was the chance for the three remaining girls to try on their “navy wife” outfits and see if they were a fit. Of course there was no acting out of the waiting by the phone they'll be doing when Andy’s working a double-shift or any sitting at home worrying about him seeing combat. It was all zip-lining and hiking and dolphin watching and all that real life stuff. Oh yeah, how can we forget about the visit to Pearl Harbor. Wow - I felt like he was testing each one of them by bringing them to the USS Arizona and waiting to see who welled up the most or who was most affected by the site of the underwater tomb. I am in no way minimizing the emotional impact of Pearl Harbor or Andy’s devotion to the military, but what the hell did that have to do with anything? It felt very forced. We know the guy’s in the military - did he really have to take each girl one by one to the site of the worst Navy atrocity in history? I mean, when he and Tessa hung out in DC, did they have a date at the Vietnam memorial or the Holocaust museum? (Did they?)

Anyway, that was all staged as far as I was concerned and I don’t think he learned a single real thing about those girls from that experience because of course, all of them were going to be respectfully mournful and honor the location. Was he waiting for one of them to reveal themselves as being on the side of the Japanese? (In World War II, I mean) Probably not. But I digress....


So Tessa had the first romantic date, after the Pearl Harbor visits. All of the dates started with some major Hawaiian vacation activity like I mentioned earlier. I admired the way Tessa just jumped off the cliff with that zip-line like it was nothing. I’m sure many people would be much more frightened and at least pause a second. I think that showed her free spirit and how comfortable she was withe herself. Or maybe she just knew that ABC probably wouldn’t let one of their prize bachelorettes go splat against the side of a mountain. Either way, it was admirable.

All of the adventurous afternoons were followed by romantic evening dinners where the ladies got to wear sexy dresses and Andy got to grill them about the lingering doubts he was having. In Tessa’s case, Andy – wearing what looked to me like an exact replica of Travolta’s Saturday Night Fever suit – did his best to break down whatever remains of Tessa’s wall of defense and get her to say she’s in love with him already, damnit!! She basically gave in and admitted to having strong feelings and explained - again - that she is just someone who wanted to be totally real in the situation and not say anything she didn’t mean. Well, in a real situation, you probably wouldn’t have someone constantly pressuring you to be ready to marry them after such a short time. Come to think of it, there’s not a damn thing that’s real about this entire situation other than the feelings they feel – and once they start faking those, there’s nothing left! I believe Tessa genuinely is into Andy. But is she ga-ga/ head over heels/ have his babies/ in love with him? - not yet, and I just don’t think she will be in time enough for Andy. Yes, I saw next week’s promo and I see that she says the L-word but something about it seems the way all of her declarations have seemed, which is half-hearted. Not because she doesn't genuinely like Andy. I just think she keeps her heart close naturally, takes longer to trust and can’t throw herself into the situation in the same way as she might want to. When I look at her, I see someone who still isn’t sure and is still holding herself back. I love Tessa - I think she’s a fantastic, fun and beautiful girl. I just don’t think she’s going to find true love on a reality show.

Next was Danielle’s romantic date and I’m sorry, but she just doesn’t do it for me. She kind of bores me honestly. I can’t really think of one thing super interesting about her except for the fact that her ex-boyfriend died mysteriously. Seriously, did we ever hear how he died? Oh yeah - and her parents belly dance in their living room. Other than that, she’s like blank to me. I don’t even think Andy ever really had super strong feelings for her. She’s swell and nice, and even a good kisser, so we're told. But you never heard him complaining that he wasn’t sure where they stood or wasn’t sure how deep her feelings were. He was a littleoncerned that she wasn’t over her dead boyfriend (she isn’t) but other than that, it was just pretty un-invested dating going on there. He described the romance as starting to bubble up - you know, like a pot ofwater boiling. But with the other girls, it was all about “electricity” and “melting.” I think he always knew she was the one getting cut. Even when he was trying to explain his dilemma to his not-so-helpful best friend, he couldn’t say much about Danielle that he loved other than her strong family background. Eww. I guess good kissing will only get you so far.

Oh - can we just pause a moment and say something about the unbelievably super-cheesy thing that the producers keep doing?? Whenever things get slightly romantic, they crank up that terrible muzak version of "love lift us up where we belong" in the background, to enhance the moment and I suppose, attempt to induce vomiting from the folks at home. It's very effective in that regard.

So the best date was saved for last in Andy’s words. The last romantic date was with his future wife, Bevin. Yes, I still stand by my claim that she's it. He just becomes a complete dork around her and I think it’s totally adorable. Gee, Bevin, "isn’t this paradise?" Well, yes, Andy, technically, it is. Bevin, watch me do the white-man’s overbite with Hawaiian pom-poms in my hands! Wow. He is really in love. And did everyone see her scandalous tattoos, by the way? - two huge ones on her back! Well, as Andy said, she’s a “wild child.” And I think he loves that about her - her unpredictability and spontaneity. They just seem to bring out the best in each other. And I LOVED how when she was presented with the fantasy suite invitation - (wow, do these girls really need to keep acting surprised about that??) - she said she wanted to have that private time to keep talking and getting to know each other, since they already knew they had passion. Sure, I doubt they did a whole lot of talking, but the intention was good. And it showed that she’s not wanting the relationship to devolve into just a physical thing.

Most importantly, Bevin looked at the camera and said without a doubt in her voice, “I love Andy!” She giggled and freaked out, but I think there is something very real happening between those two. Are they ready to get married? God, no! But none of the people on this show ever truly are. They date for five minutes in a made-up fantasy world which leaves them utterly unprepared for real life combined with the onslaught of paparazzi and awkward appearances on Regis and Kelly. But of the three couples who are totally unprepared for the gauntlet they are about to enter, Andy and Bevin are the most ready.


And so it went as expected. Danielle was dismissed. The best two women are left - my favorites from the beginning! I’m just so sad for Tessa because I think she’s amazing but I just don’t think she’s going to be the one left standing...

And what’s with NO Women-Tell-All special this year??? Damn you, ABC!! We’ve gotten used to certain traditions and my favorite one is watching the dumped girls bitch about getting dumped and telling us who most deserves to win! It’s always such a wonderful display of catty jealousy and back-stabbing that I can hardly believe they are denying us the pleasure this year. Oh well. Perhaps they felt it lacked class. Yeah right.

I met her on a special mission.

Enough of this group dating.

We've reached the home-town date portion of our dear program - almost as exciting as the "women tell all" special which is absolutely my favorite of course. I can't resist seeing the women who lasted 10 minutes telling us exactly who is right for the guy who dumped them.

But we still have a couple of weeks till that moment...this week, it's Andy traveling across the country to meet the parents, dogs, best friends and siblings of the women he's been dating roughly 2 weeks. Can you imagine bringing a guy home after 2 or 3 dates? Even if they were the most glamorous fancy dates?? Reality, this is not. But reality tv never claimed to resemble reality. The reason I love it is because people bring their real lives and real emotions into a totally fabricated scenario and still expect the results to be normal. The social behavior that is on display is fascinating, especially in this competition that is about something way more important than money--true love (an expression used about 50 times in tonight's episode by the way).

So the first hometown date was with Bevin. Oh right - it's even less likely that your guy would meet your family so soon when your "hometown" is actually hundreds of miles from where you now live! But that's how we do it on the Bachelor. Bevin, who actually lives and works in Palo Alto has her date in Seattle, where she grew up and where her family lives. And enter Andy, who actually starts this date by saying "I'm in heaven when I'm with Bevin." Could anything but goofy mushy lovey-dovey feelings inspire this Naval officer to say something so cheesy? My money's still on her, people.


And yes, tonight was the big reveal of her dark past....she's been divorced for six years. A lifetime ago. But if you ask me, this announcement was not nearly as alarming as the fact that Andy was chewing and tonguing at his teeth throughout her entire revelation. Play it back - you'll see. The man must have had some brick-sized cracker fragment stuck in his teeth and it was driving him crazy. I doubt he heard a word she said. The producers probably had to tell him after. No wonder he was surprised. Andy disappointed me when he characterized it as a "red flag" that she had had a failed relationship in her past. Who doesn't? Sure, most aren't an actual marriage. But I love that she talked about how she learned so much from it, and it shaped her personality. She understands that life is about experience and growing from your mistakes. It's sweet that Andy has an idealized vision of marriage, but saying you don't "believe in divorce" is pretty archaic and unrealistic. She was not an adult when she got married so can hardly be judged for the relationship not working out. I can understand his disappointment. No one (especially men) want to feel like they are somehow not the "first" in some way, but having a failed relationship in your past does not signify that you don't value marriage. Anyway, he will hopefully get over it as time goes on. But he's a traditional guy, and that might just plant a seed of doubt that he can't stop from growing. That would be disappointing.

So after their private picnic, they arrived at Bevin's family's house. And Andy was kind enough to bring a very thoughtful gift to her parents. The man handed them coffee. He brought coffee to people who live in Seattle. Well done.

Andy described Bevin's family as "his type of people" which sounded eerily white-power-ish but maybe that's just me. A good time seemed to be had by all, although Bevin actually broke down crying at the dinner table, which was a bit much. I understand she's scared about getting hurt but she does seem to have less and less control of her emotions. Some of my fans will be happy to hear me acknowledge this point! I still like the girl, but I am a little scared about what would happen if she doesn't get a rose because she may self-destruct in a way that is way beyond anything we've seen. I also thought it was a little weird that she asked her father, "Where would I have an opportunity to ever meet somebody like that?" He's not some Nobel prize winning Rocket Scientist! Yes, he's a great guy - and yes, they can be hard to find, but he's not the second coming. Get a grip!

Quick, Andy, what's her last name?

So next it was the most absurd hometown date of all, with Danielle. These two people barely know each other. Besides bonding on a couple of group dates, I think Andy would be hard-pressed to throw together a paragraph on why he likes Danielle. Of course she thinks they have "so much in common!" Um, sharing a history of loss is not exactly super material to build a future on. Danielle strikes me as a "checklist" girl. And Andy simply fits her list. The first question she asked her mother after meeting him was, "Do you think we look good as a couple?" Ick. Is that really the first thing you want to know? How you look together? Her family seemed to follow in the same checklist mentality. Her father, an intimidating man with an unusually large head (I'm just saying) told us after meeting the guy ONCE that he would be thrilled for her daughter to be, as he put it, "MRS. Lieutenant Andy Baldwin." Again - ick. What decade is this? Maybe it's those Connecticut traditionalists.

So finally we get to Tessa's date! Yay Tessa! So natural, so pretty, so real! So attached to her big wool hat! She never takes that thing off, even when having drinks with her family. But she's quirky, and we love her. However, Andy is starting to become a bit impatient with Tessa not pouring out her devotion to him like the other girls. Tonight, she was kind of forced into "opening up" already! Poor Tessa is trying so hard to make things go at a normal pace, and the reality show gods just won't let it happen. Andy finally gave up on enjoying "courtship" and put her on the spot. I love Tessa - she told him straight up that she questions how genuine feelings can be at this stage, and under these circumstances. But she likes the guy and eventually they both passionately declared that they - wait for it - want to fall in love with each other. How awkward is that? That basically emcompasses what's wrong with this whole process. People on these shows want so much to fall in love that they believe everything is perfect about the other person, they get engaged, and after five minutes in the real world, they find out that lo and behold, they never actually fell in love! -- only imagined that they did because they wanted to. You can have as much artifice and sports cars and romantic yacht rides as you want, but falling in love doesn't have bubkus to do with any of that. And when it's happening, you know - right from the start, you know it. It's confusing when there's so much pressure TO fall in love, like there is on this show, with this diamond ring hanging from a string at the end of it. They basically set these relationships up for failure.

She's so sexy. She's so good with kids. She's so gone.

Anyway, end of rant. So then we got to Amber's doomed hometown date. It was never quite clear what exactly the story is with her parents. She hinted earlier in the season at having to raise her siblings, and now her parents ominously did not show up for her. I felt very bad for her. It seems like there is clearly more going on than her parents simply disapproving of her being on the show. But honestly, I don't think it was her parents not showing that did her in. While I'm sure that made Andy a little nervous, it was really Amber's display of childish behavior in her home setting that sealed the deal. Suddenly he was that 30 year old hanging out with the 23 year olds, and feeling just a little bored and a little out of place. Amber's mature job and her classroom and adorable moppet students could not save her. She was left in a flurry of tears....the poor thing started sobbing before Andy had even closed the limo door. She's young. She'll be fine.


And so we have a very strong top two in Tessa and Bevin and a weak third in Danielle who will have to work real hard to save herself next week. I just don't think their chemistry and connection can compare to what he has with the other two.

Before I end, I hope everyone has been sticking around for the closing credit scenes they've been showing this season...each one funnier than the last. My favorite so far is the girls trying to figure out how many rose were going to be given out that second night - they may still be counting. But tonight's was almost as hilarious: We discovered Danielle's deep-seeded fear of....bananas? Not that she doesn't like to eat them - she's afraid of them. Hey Andy - sometimes a banana is just a banana, but I'm not so sure.

They would all make tremendous mothers.

Baldwin. Andy Baldwin.

So i keep trying to take this show seriously...i mean, as serious as you can take something like this. But I'm always aware that these are real people putting real feelings on the line, no matter how absurd and contrived the circumstances. But the producers of the show do their very best to focus on what they think is the most dramatic and important. For example, in the scenes from last week, they focused on Bevin's "breakdown" and not the fact that she and Andy made a genuine love connection. I guess that wasn't as exciting. And then they go and open the show with these shameless shots of a half-naked Andy exercising on his yacht. I mean, do we really need to see that? Well, YES, absolutely. What was my point? Damn them for lowering our standards. (Those abs! Jesus!)

Anyway, so this week started off with a friendly don't-worry-no-roses group-date for all the girls on "Andy's" yacht. As if it wasn't bad enough to have all the girls together competing for his attention, the group also somehow managed to split into blonds vs. brunettes, which was just bizarre. But wait - You want bizarre? Is that Tina picking Andy's teeth with her fingers? Yup. And the best part about that gross display was that the other girls actually got jealous. The whole thing was just so weird on too many levels. And that off-putting event is the only thing that i can think of that could account for Tessa resorting back to her old nervous trick of telling bad jokes. Tessa, i love you, but there is nothing sexy about being the Shecky McJokester of the group! Did that muffin joke teach you nothing??

Stephanie, she of the non-personality.

So next, blonds Steph and Danielle were pissed when Bevin stole Andy for some romantic kayaking, but i have to say - those two are actually dating, and the rest of ya'll are just watching. But Stephanie was reassured because she finally got her one-on-one, which of course, she totally wrecked. I don't quite get these 'I'm too shy to say anything remotely personal or interesting' girls. There seem to be more and more of them on these shows, and as a feminist, I find it a little frightening. Being shy is one thing. I certainly don't favor throwing yourself at the guy, or claiming to have deep romantic feelings after ten minutes....but to not be able to articulate what you want in life, or who you are at all? Yes, I may be way past 23 but at 23, at least I thought I knew everything there was to know, even if I wound up changing my mind ten times. This lack of assertiveness or ability to express one's own desires is downright creepy. Whatever it is, it's an epidemic and it must be stopped. Speak up, girls! Look inside yourselves and answer some questions before no one else bothers asking anymore.

Ha ha - Isn't it funny how I have six kids and you have no idea!

So, then Bevin dropped a big old bomb when she revealed that she is divorced! Oh well - I gave her a lot of credit for waiting to think about marriage till she was 28, but it turns out, that that's because she already tried it as a teenager and shockingly enough, it didn't last. But, I feel for her having to keep this secret and I worry about how much it's going to affect their relationship. Andy is an incredibly understanding guy, but he's fairly traditional, and he may have some weirdness that he just can't help about this. But I will give the guy the benefit of the doubt, considering his sensitivity so far. I predict he won't care as long as she tells him in an appropriate way. (Not like: "Andy this is my ex-husband, Dirk. Oh, did i not tell you about Dirk?")

Anyway, the secret weighed heavy on Bevin, especially when she found out she was on group-date detail and wouldn't have real private time to talk with Andy till he met her family...if he met her family. She made the mistake of confiding her fears (just not about her divorce) with Amber who later told us that she thought Bevin was very immature for assuming that she, Amber, was immature. Huh? Amber gets more high school-ish by the minute, which was kind of Bevin's point.

Can't I adopt all of them?

The group-date turned out to be a blast for all involved. Andy, Tina, Bevin, Danielle, and Amber helped restore a play area for kindergarten kids and everyone really embraced the positive experience. There he goes being an awesome guy again. He so genuinely LOVES helping people and to see him so excited to surprise those kids, it's hard not to want to take the guy home to meet your family. Of course, it was a little weird when it the date seemed like some sort of test of the girls mothering skills, but apparently, according to Andy, all the girls passed with flying colors. He even expressed his pleasant surprise that Bevin took to the children so nicely just like the other girls. I guess he thought she was more the type to lure them into her candy-covered house and cook them in the oven. Why is that exactly? Because she's not a giggly girly-girl or an elementary school teacher? That doesn't mean she uses babies for target practice! Men - even Andy - can be such idiots.

So Tessa finally got her one-on-one and she got the full-on Pretty Woman treatment with the loaned jewelry and the choice of gowns....yuck. Sure, this is all very lovely, and it creates a fantasy atmosphere...but it's this constant "princess-ing" of these women that kind of makes me nauseous. It can reduce a very intelligent and grounded girl like Tessa to use expressions like "it's every girl's dream..." Really? Is it? Would the perfect guy be any less perfect if he didn't have a yacht? (which he really doesn't) or couldn't afford diamonds? (which he can't) or didn't give you a choice of designer gowns? (ok, that one is hard to resist, but you get my point).

Anyway, Tessa managed to maintain her composure despite the whole dress-me-up thing...and even restored my faith in her as the realest of the real. She talked about how she realizes sometimes you can meet the right person even in a crazy way and how she needs to take baby steps in this whole thing. And he likes her....his true romantic side always comes out when he's really into a girl, like with Bevin in the elevator when he was suddenly so eloquent. And last night with Tessa he told her that she made the whole process worthwhile. *sigh.*

He really tried to turn on the romantic charm on his date with nothing-to-say Stephanie, but he wasn't really feeling it and it came out all awkward, like saying the wine "tastes beautiful-like you." Ick. Can something even taste beautiful? Save it for when you mean it, Andy. (P.S. - what about that horrible picture he and Stephanie painted together on their date. It was supposed to be this romantic vision of their feelings, but it looked like the drawings of a deranged serial killer or a monkey).

Our last four hopefuls...

So the rose ceremony was fairly un-dramatic....it was pretty clear that Stephanie was going and it was just a question whether he was going to keep Danielle or Tina. Like I said last week, Tina is a Friend with a capital F so it was kind of amazing that she lasted this long. I truthfully think he kept her around just because she was so chill and low on the drama that she soothed him. But there was zero chemistry there. So Danielle got picked and Andy will be meeting her family next week, even though they have yet to have a private date or so much as kiss. That's just nuts. But, he had to keep four girls, and she was the obvious fourth. He's got a ton more connection so far with Bevin and Tessa, and also some with Amber.

I still stand by my earlier prediction that Bevin is way in the lead here - they just seem like a real couple already. I think we can even start calling them "Bevandy." And I think there may be major heartbreak on the horizon for dear sweet Tessa. Wow, i just felt this weird pang of guilt, as if I were somehow responsible for dragging her into this ridiculous situation. Woah. Weird. I'm getting too personally involved here. Time to take a break and watch something a little less stressful, like America's Next Top Model.

See you all next week - thanks so much for reading, and please - leave me a comment and tell me what you think about what's been going on, or what you think of what I think or what you think about anything....