Way to be a shot glass.

Will you marry me? (At least until the finale airs, and we're already broken up).

Well, first can we just have a moment of silence (or a moment of sarcasm) for little miss pretzel girl, who as I said, will NEVER live that moment down, especially now that it's a centerpiece of the clip package played at the beginning of the show. Poor girl, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time....


"Didn't the whole emergency room thing work for Bevin?"

So another season, another ambulance. Some poor injured Bachelorette always has to fall on her head or break her ankle and get carted away. Miss Michelle was lucky they didn't seem to have a clip of her actually falling, because something tells me THAT would also become a popular scene to play in the future. Or, have I become too cynical? Nah, probably not. I mean, did anyone catch the teaser right after we saw Michelle taken away in traction, and we didn't know if she was completely paralyzed? Chris Harrison says: "Next, on The Bachelor... WILL Michelle return??" (serious music, sound of screaming sirens, shots of shocked horrified faces). "And then...." (cut to body shots, Solisa running topless, girls downing drinks) "It's the sexiest date in Bachelor history!!!" Way to segue, Chris.

Oh yeah, they'd show her falling if they had it.

So, back to group dating. I wonder if the Bachelor people ever think of changing things up a little. It's not like their formula has been so foolproof for these relationships. They did add that First Impression Rose business a few seasons back, but I just think the whole group-dating thing is absurd. I know it would be time-consuming, but I think he should have one-on-one dates with all the girls. Like maybe quick little dates, like the way you meet a blind date over coffee -- 20 minutes is all it really takes to know if you can see yourself spending your life with someone, right? At least, potentially. But the group-dating is so unnatural, unless you're a polygamist, I guess.

The first group date was to the racetrack, naturally. Huh? OK, I guess the girls got to wear big hats. Is that a plus? Anyway, while on the date, Brad got the serious news about Michelle's situation and the girls were of course, immediately suspicious. But Brad did say to them, "She CLAIMS to have a mild concussion." Why would he say it that way? Not that the girls needed a push to start assuming she was faking. Man, this show brings out the best in people. I think Sheena summed up that good spirit best when she said about Michelle's tragedy, "To be honest, that's one person down." Ouch.


DeAnna, non-slut.

OK, back to the races. DeAnna is obviously an early front-runner and I have to say, I like her. She has a natural good energy and honesty about her, unlike McCarten, whose brilliant plan to get the first kiss was a huge success. Yay! You got the first kiss, and it was totally awkward and uncomfortable -- good job! I love how after Brad gave DeAnna the rose, all the girls were sitting around, furiously trying to figure out what it was about her that made him like her. It didn't seem to occur to them that maybe he just um, liked her. Not because she had the cutest dress, or the tightest ass, or the wildest story. Does natural chemistry really not occur to them? It's like they think it's all about getting the most attention, even negative attention. The saddest display of such misguided thinking was undoubtedly Miss Solisa on Group date #2, which let us just call "Sluts on Parade." I mean, they literally paraded.

"Look how cute MY swimsuit is!" But, girls. Here's the problem. You've all got boobs!! How will he know how to choose one of you? I know! If we can do cartwheels in our bikinis, maybe that will set us apart!! But wait -- more than one of us can do cartwheels! Crap, think fast. I know, I know!! He can do a body shot off my chest!!!!! Damn, why didn't I think of that!!

Holy shit, Solisa! I blame our sexist society (and perhaps poor parenting) on the fact that nobody ever told her that it takes more than tits to get a man. "I want him to see that I'm a free spirit. And what better way than to make him take a shot off me?" They need to have a therapist who comes in an ambulance at moments like that.


Solisa, slut-like.

Anyway, the first true non-awkward kiss went to sweet and pretty Jenni, who seems to have a heart of gold....and apparently, a modeling career. Whatever. Those girls are just jealous, they sense that he really likes her, and so they tried to destroy her with whatever they could find. It's Junior High all over again. Although, I will give Jade credit for resisting the urge to name names when she talked to Brad. It was just killing her to not tell him, but she actually learned from shows past that the back-stabbing girl is usually punished for her bad behavior. Good girl.

Mallory, however, did not learn from past mistakes....although I'm not sure "learning" is quite her strong suit. She blew her last 5 minutes with Brad big time. And sadly, so did Michelle, who was under SO much pressure to make herself stand out in her speed-date after having no date-time at all. I could not believe that Brad sent poor crippled Michelle home and kept SOLISA, rewarding her for all that bad behavior. Such a shame. Brad - what were you thinking??? Very questionable decision. He's on notice.

So, will Brad find out about Jenni's secret modeling career? Will Sheena or McCarten say anything intelligent? Will Solisa take off all her clothes and roll around in jello? I can't wait to find out.

See you all next week! And by the way, the blog is always posted on Tuesdays....sorry to all of you who go to the computer right after the show Monday night, but i do need a day to process! Be patient with me, I promise to deliver!! Thanks for reading!